Abstract

Love is a central experience for most people. To participate in loving relationships is invariably at the top of surveys of desired values. Yet it is often a complex, challenging and disappointing experience. ;This study has explored love as it is lived out in ten men and women whose lives strongly exemplify loving behaviors. In-depth studies have been done of each, combining qualitative and quantitative data sources. Through first and third party interviews, field observation, written documents and psychological test results, individual case studies have been constructed. These give first hand accounts of the experiences of love in its major dimensions of romantic love, self-love, friendship love and compassionate love. ;These life histories were then cross referenced to discover themes common to all. This resulted in nine themes which emerge as central to the experience of human love: Love is seen as essential in that it creates belonging, overcomes loneliness, nurtures growth, gives purpose and joy. Love is understood as a sequence of respectful, knowledgeable, caring, effective behaviors. Personal growth and maturation increases the ability to give and receive love. Love also includes healthy self love. The romantic relationship includes the three dimensions of erotic love, friendship love and compassionate/commitment love. Loving people are also compassionate towards others. The life of love thrives best in a network of supportive relationships. Loving people strive for balance in their commitments. Loving people also seek an affirmative connection to the larger universe. ;These themes are of particular importance to the ten subjects experiences and also correlate to the scholarly tradition on love. Those who are actually living a satisfactory experience of love have much to teach us. These themes can be used in a variety of ways--to inform our work with others; to guide our own personal journey; and to stimulate study and additional research